by Jimmy » Sat Dec 24, 2016 12:38 pm
Yeah sorry I know vague posts that just shit on you don't really help a lot. I'll break it down for you reeeeal quick (lol -future jimmy) before I go to bed, then.
Blow by blow critique incoming:
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Starting ZDoom: COCAINUM is an unknown texture. Uh, okay. Also, class "Pig" defined more than once. This is actually a class used by Hexen. Whatever, not a fatal error as such. Let's dive in...
MAP01: First room's design doesn't bode well - literally default Doom Builder textures. Unskippable cutscenes yay~! The dialogue is really badly translated and I can't read it easily because each line is only on the screen for 3 seconds. And the profanity is placed just as badly. "There's a shit problem Anna!"
There's an "ear rape" FUUUUU sound effect, which was oh so funny back in the 2000s when YouTube Poops were a vaguely relevant thing - at least the brand of humor in this makes itself known right off the bat. The demons make Gordon Ramsay sounds. There are Angry Birds piggies. Why were these creative decisions made.
MAP02: Revenants make... more FUUUU sounds? Amongst others.
"Krampus Akbar". I ask you.
Oh bugger me you put the pony with the chainsaw in this. And I have to avoid her (I can't kill her, which isn't made clear at all) by going through a frictionless ice labyrinth full of dead ends. I saved myself into a corner and had no means of escape so I just hit the console and ]flew over her. Turns out I had to just walk into the closet she came from. That was obvious.
Right, we need to talk about this ice slope segment. Not only are the pitfalls barely visible and look exactly the same, but they're almost unavoidable. I have to pull some real blue-shell-drift-dodging shit to avoid these corners. This is perhaps the worst part of this set right here. And we're but a third done...
MAP03: The first room is a box full of enemies (plenty of hitscanners) and no health. I also did not have health when I entered this map. Bad times were had.
Now we're introduced to the feminazi subplot, if we can even call it that. I mean, why? I can understand Angry Anna is upset about a lot of things in her life but I fail to see how blasting a bunch of hyperzealous activists fixes things or is in any way in the festive spirit. Oh joy you played the extremely loud FUUUUU sound effect twice over itself, that was super necessary. And TRIGGERED is such a funny meme, not at all a grotesque oversimplification of the mental disturbances that sufferers of trauma endure when exposed to something that reminds them of their traumatic experiences, nope, we just mildly offended some feminists with a weak and poorly-worded counter-remark so let's laugh at that!
Also I've never done cocaine but I'm pretty sure it doesn't boost your body's resistance to bullet fire by 200%.
WHY ARE THE ANGRY BIRD PIGGIES IN THIS. they don't even do anything
MAP04: Strewth, this motorbike segment. It goes way too fast, I barely have time to react to what's happening or move in the direction this Chloe person is telling me through onscreen text. Wouldn't arrows have been a more straightforward guide?
YOU PLAYED THE FUUU SOUND AGAIN I HATE THIS SO MUCH
I am so confused, now there are actual nazis here and this whole unskippable exchange with a rape "joke" as the punchline makes so little sense what the righteous FUCK is happening
Also I still don't really know who Anita Sarkeesian is or what she's done but her being in this WAD is surely a grave offense.
MAP05: Big area with lots of snow effects = insta lag. You really must have thought this through--
NEVER MIND THERE'S A VAGINA TUNNEL YOU PUT NO RATIONAL THOUGHT INTO THIS
WHY IS THE PSYCHO PONY BACK AGAIN
Ugh, more hi-speed segments where I need the reflexes of a mosquito to avoid the insta-kill pitfalls. That fucking bridge jump took me like 5 tries because I had no idea where to go. No I wasn't reading the onscreen text, I couldn't understand a word of it. I know when to fucking jump though, "thanks you" Chloe. (Oh god for serious look at a book. It's thank you, not thanks you. Look at anyone speaking a word of English.)
I hate this. Fuck off, pony.
MAP06: There are unknown actors in this map. And more piggies which the WAD still hasn't explained. More unskippable cutscenes that don't make sense. I just noticed the snowmen have the H2HXmas player sounds. Well of course they'd be saying "OPEN" every 0.0021 milliseconds.
if you play that FUUUU sound effect one more time I'm going to stab a small garden animal
Did you edit/use the Santa actor from my Merry Shitmas map in TCA2? I mean, alright, whatever - give him 15000 HP. Why not. This final battle is rubbish and takes forever.
FINAL TEXT SCREEN: You really have an unhealthy obsession with TerminusEst13's stuff don't you.
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Yeah sorry, I know you probably wanted to get something out for Christmas, but this is so irredeemably bad.
