You don't need the player's name in, and I was trying to think of one like Belial's, as I know that the heresiarch has those mana balls floating round it's head. I think Belial's one is good
I would be wary of not putting the player's name in the obit somewhere. In single-player it doesn't really matter, but in multi-player the reason the name is there is to let everyone know who died. Maybe it's trivial, but I'd think twice before getting rid of it.