by sinisterseed » Thu Jun 09, 2022 2:42 pm
Same here fam, that's the main reason why I avoid joining too many servers in the first place, because in the way social media is designed in the first place, it wants our attention all the time. Got bored? Sure, join a few servers, subscribe to a dozen channels, like or follow hundreds of pages with relevant interests to you personally and turn into a zombie immediately afterwards, as our natural impulse pushes us into wanting to read everything, just to please our subconscious that "Yes, I've seen all the relevant stuff, now leave me be." Then, inevitably experience exactly what you went through - constant anger, frustration, and inevitable depression (damn, that sounds too catchy). And it gets way worse from that point on, as another thing it teaches is comparing lives, something I've been conditioned to do since the way I was born. It's... tiring, to put it very nicely, to get overwhelmed by feelings of self-contempt that way, too. Even the cool and wholesome stuff gets depressing that way, because it acts as a reminder about what you're missing, not having.
It's toxic and highly addicting, and we damn sure enjoy it either way most of the time, since no matter how lonely we may be, we crave at least a minimal level of interaction, regardless of how it might come to us. This is why I'm limiting my number of servers to as low as possible. I think I'm in like, maybe 4 currently, and I intend to keep it that way for both my sanity and peace. There was a time when I would have wanted to mod one, too - on a similar note, I used to be a forum administrator back in high school after all, and I must confess it actually did teach me some things about running things and keeping them under control, and finding ways to attract new members, besides having some actual responsibilities and learning how to work as a team. People thinking moderation is an easy task and all you have to do is "policing users" are wholly missing the point... But these days are long gone, I work three shifts and come back home very tired on some days, the last thing I need after coming home is doing *more* work, 'cept this time it's volunteer. I miss having that kind of free time, but then, I never was good at managing my time anyway, so I'd find a way to waste it anyhow.
Coming back on topic, I also don't like joining servers just to keep the member count high. I never understood lurkers who join places just to lurk everywhere, that's not helping anyone and certainly not themselves. It's also extremely jading to always see the same few people around all the time, of the 1000 members, perhaps 20 being regulars, and the rest, lurkers 24/7. Small ones with some activity but nothing extreme is what I'm looking for, that way digesting the contents is not just much more manageable, but I can interact to some extent, too.