What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

If it's not ZDoom, it goes here.

What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby drfrag » Tue Mar 05, 2019 8:29 am

Finally i'm going to explain what happened to poor drfrag, i didn't feel like talking about it. I had an accident on december 24. It's the consequence of living in bartertown (former granada) , such an horrible place/hole. But hey downtown is still clean and safe, however i live in the northern part of the city and there blackouts are common, even more in other neighborhoods than in mine (they last several days there with people depending on vital support dying).
What happens is that there are many illegal plantations of marijuana in this part of town in some people's flats. They say police looks somewhere else in exchange for bribery and the new rat-major is happy (the previous one was arrested and then freed but not much has changed).
There was a blackout that lasted 10 minutes and then i took the risk and went with by dog for a walk using the elevator (she has a torn ligament). It took too long since many people here fires rockets during those nights and she was scared, she didn't do her thing.
Then no more blackouts and time came to go to my brothers in law home for dinner, i went back in the house (this is a second floor) becouse i forgot a stupid thing. Since i was late i forgot that i had to take the stairs and not the elevator, it was very unfortunate since going down to the garage only takes 30 seconds. The guys in the residential community decided to put a fire alarm right next to the lift in the -1 floor and that thing fires off everytime the light goes off and noone is in charge, they just ignore it. It's not the sirens themselves but an internal buzzer to alert people near to fix some problems (BTW now the alarm is broken and says there's a fire but it's turned off). Unfortunately i got stuck when the lift stopped and the door was about to open, just five seconds before and in the worst spot. Lights turned off and there was a blackout of 12 hours, they took me out after half an hour and that buzzing + horn sound was very bothersome but apparently it was more or less bearable but it was not in the end. There was a guy from the community but he had no key for the elevator not for the alarm i tried to talk to him screaming and i called the elevator company twice. I should have plugged my ears instead of calling twice and trying to talk to that guy but now the damage is done.

During that night a whistle came and went and then some intermitent buzzing but after three days i woke up with a very strong electrical buzzing (similar to white noise actually and several whistles) and started to cry then very early went to ER (i tried to go to the public family doctor first but he was on a vacation).
The public sanitary system is in very bad shape here and there were no personnel for an audiometry so he said i should get an appointment for a revision but he didn't want to give it to me, he sent me to my family doctor. Those first days i was taking corticoids and benzodiacepins (anxiolytics).
Those first weeks were terrible, that buzzing (and also there are hissing sounds and whistles) was so strong i could not watch television and i began to consider killing myself. It was deafening and maddening. I know there are worse things in life and some people is suffering more but...
The other doctor did not give the appointment with the otolaryngologist (but he said it was done) and i went back to the hospital later to get the date at the management there. They gave a date for april and sent me to the department of the specialist and the secretary gave me an earlier date but then the doctor did not want to see me becouse it was not her job but at least i got the audiometry done to interpret the results myself. I managed to ask a couple of questions tough and seems the damage is not permanent, in theory it should go and i must ignore it and avoid stress. But i'm very stressed and anguished, seems it's getting better but it won't go. Some days is weaker and bearable and at times i forget about it (however this thing is inside my head all the time) but at times is strong and those days i want to die. I'm very depressed and i don't feel like doing anything. I can't complain too much or my wife starts talking about divorce.
She also says i must get a paid job soon or else the same thing. We both are unemployed and were receiving an unemployment allowance but it has ended now.
I use mobile applications with relaxing sounds like tinnitus sound (masking) but they don't help me much now.

I started my motorbike the other day after two months and it has not run out of battery at least, however i must wear earplugs or else i get more whistles and stronger the faster i go. I must also avoid strong sounds or else this thing gets worse (and i also have some hypersensitivity). I must sleep on my right ear or else i wake up with an strong ringing-buzzing sound. I don't sleep well and i wake up many times, but now at least some nights i manage to sleep without taking the pill. In the silence of the night is even worse of course.
I've been ill for years with hyperthyroidism, then irritable bowel and now this thing. Very unfortunate. This is a nightmare and like living in hell.
I thought my projects could help me to get a job and recently i was doing more complex stuff and reading the Schildt book, my idea was to help more seriously with GZDoom in my spare time. Years ago i even made a tetris game with my own classes but it was a long time without programming until i started these projects, i was not bad at it actually.

TL;DR: i'm seriously screwed (tinnitus it's called) and i need help to pay next month's mortage or else i could lose my home. And if i end living in my car i don't think i could work on my projects anymore. But it's a game after all, it's not that important. Anyway i want to do another release and update LZDoom just it's very difficult right now. I painfully could do it now if i get some help to get out of this, i would do it eventually if things get better but i don't know what will happen. Actually keeping myself busy would be good.
I need at least 300€ and we could get the rest repairing computers/walking dogs and with help from our family. Any suggestions to get a job are welcome (tele work?), in this country is very difficult when you're older than 30 since employers don't need to pay social security to younger people and there's a massive fraud with benefits to placement contracts. A typical salary here is 400€ BTW.
I think i'm going to start a fund rising campaign and if someone wants to help i could sent a private message with my father's paypal account. Of course this is not a joke and not a ripoff. I will post a medical report (in spanish tough) and if needed my bank account receipt (only about 200€ total now) and besides the mortgage there's food, bills...
So if you want to help i'd really appreciate it, thanks in advance.

https://www.gofundme.com/help-to-pay-dr ... r-accident
Last edited by drfrag on Fri May 24, 2019 5:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
drfrag
I.R developer, I.R smart
Vintage GZDoom Developer
 
Joined: 23 Apr 2004
Location: Spain

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby SouthernLion » Tue Mar 05, 2019 9:50 am

I would really like to help, but I just lost my second job which was over half my income. If I get some kind of opportunity or break here and you still need help, I'll let you know... I'm sorry you're dealing with this, brother.
User avatar
SouthernLion
 
Joined: 21 Aug 2013

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Darkcrafter » Wed Mar 06, 2019 6:49 am

What I would do the first is trying to record that stuff with a microphone. Dude I did hear some strange sine type sounds around 1-2kHz very silent around 5 years ago. I felt like this sound comes out of ground. Imagine if there is a shit of some sort happening we don't know about. Maybe it's sleep paralysis? I had this experience a several times but it ended because I just accomodated to it. It felt like I heard something fallen on my floor but when I wak there was nothing, it's some sort of halucination. There are two things you can do about it: don't give a shit and continue or normalize your sleep schedule, if you're superstitious, go for holy water :wink:
User avatar
Darkcrafter
 
Joined: 23 Sep 2017
Location: South Russia
Operating System: Windows 10/8.1/8 64-bit
Graphics Processor: ATI/AMD (Modern GZDoom)

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Project Dark Fox » Wed Mar 06, 2019 10:37 am

Darkcrafter wrote:What I would do the first is trying to record that stuff with a microphone. Dude I did hear some strange sine type sounds around 1-2kHz very silent around 5 years ago. I felt like this sound comes out of ground. Imagine if there is a shit of some sort happening we don't know about. Maybe it's sleep paralysis? I had this experience a several times but it ended because I just accomodated to it. It felt like I heard something fallen on my floor but when I wak there was nothing, it's some sort of halucination. There are two things you can do about it: don't give a shit and continue or normalize your sleep schedule, if you're superstitious, go for holy water :wink:

I can tell that this guy didn't actually read the thing.
You can't record the things that your own ears are producing.
User avatar
Project Dark Fox
Married Furry Anxiety Bucket
 
Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Location: Louisville, KY USA
Twitch ID: ProjectDarkFox
Operating System: Windows 10/8.1/8 64-bit
Graphics Processor: nVidia with Vulkan support

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby SouthernLion » Wed Mar 06, 2019 12:06 pm

Project Dark Fox wrote:
Darkcrafter wrote:What I would do the first is trying to record that stuff with a microphone. Dude I did hear some strange sine type sounds around 1-2kHz very silent around 5 years ago. I felt like this sound comes out of ground. Imagine if there is a shit of some sort happening we don't know about. Maybe it's sleep paralysis? I had this experience a several times but it ended because I just accomodated to it. It felt like I heard something fallen on my floor but when I wak there was nothing, it's some sort of halucination. There are two things you can do about it: don't give a shit and continue or normalize your sleep schedule, if you're superstitious, go for holy water :wink:

I can tell that this guy didn't actually read the thing.
You can't record the things that your own ears are producing.


Like trying to take a screenshot of the spider crawling on your monitor. lol
User avatar
SouthernLion
 
Joined: 21 Aug 2013

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Darkcrafter » Wed Mar 06, 2019 3:35 pm

I did read that. Just because a psychological trauma occured his subconsiosnes remembers the feels it experienced during the event. It's super duper hard to say chill, relax, but you might want to want that shit happens. Try to take it easy man and wait, time heals they say.
User avatar
Darkcrafter
 
Joined: 23 Sep 2017
Location: South Russia
Operating System: Windows 10/8.1/8 64-bit
Graphics Processor: ATI/AMD (Modern GZDoom)

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Project Dark Fox » Wed Mar 06, 2019 3:46 pm

Darkcrafter wrote:I did read that. Just because a psychological trauma occured his subconsiosnes remembers the feels it experienced during the event. It's super duper hard to say chill, relax, but you might want to want that shit happens. Try to take it easy man and wait, time heals they say.

Look up tinnitus.
User avatar
Project Dark Fox
Married Furry Anxiety Bucket
 
Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Location: Louisville, KY USA
Twitch ID: ProjectDarkFox
Operating System: Windows 10/8.1/8 64-bit
Graphics Processor: nVidia with Vulkan support

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Matt » Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:57 pm

Before someone tries to mail a wad of twenties addressed to "doctor frag of grenada" or something, how exactly can we help?
User avatar
Matt
Putting the XD into *xdeath since 2007
 
Joined: 04 Jan 2004
Location: Gotham City SAR, Wyld-Lands of the Lotus People, Dominionist PetroConfederacy of Saudi Canadia

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby SouthernLion » Wed Mar 06, 2019 9:40 pm

Darkcrafter wrote:I did read that. Just because a psychological* trauma occured his subconsiosnes** remembers the feels it experienced during the event. It's super duper hard to say chill, relax, but you might want to want that shit happens. Try to take it easy man and wait, time heals they say.


*Physiological

**Physical ear drums
User avatar
SouthernLion
 
Joined: 21 Aug 2013

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby jdredalert » Wed Mar 06, 2019 11:35 pm

Darkcrafter wrote:I did read that. Just because a psychological trauma occured his subconsiosnes remembers the feels it experienced during the event. It's super duper hard to say chill, relax, but you might want to want that shit happens. Try to take it easy man and wait, time heals they say.


Dude, his inner ear is damaged because of the siren. That's not psychological.
User avatar
jdredalert
State of badass art.
 
Joined: 13 Jul 2013

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby TDRR » Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:44 am

Fixing computers is definitely easy and gets you a good amount of money. You can try to offer installing Windows with service packs and games and charge more for it (but only if the customer wants them of course).

Try playing Runescape and sell gold, it's relaxing (but very boring) and has okay-ish money outcome, still good if you don't have many other options.

Why don't you start up a Patreon so whoever wants to donate, can do so? Put some of your sourceports in it and a list of features and things they have, along with maybe something else you like to do.
While i would like to donate, i can't, not right now.

EDIT: Would you be interested in helping develop a (G)ZDoom based game? Payment will likely start in a month with the first early-access release of the game, but first we need to wrap up the engine.

EDIT2: All you really have to do is increase LZDoom's max player count (if at all possible) and fix MD3 first person model rendering on software/softpoly, which for some reason only affects MD3, as .UTX and .MD2 models appear unaffected (but it does work in GZD 3.7.2)
Along with any performance improvement you may know, but that's not too important.
Last edited by TDRR on Wed Mar 13, 2019 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
TDRR
iDeas from the deep (pit of hacks)
 
Joined: 11 Mar 2018
Location: Venezuela
Operating System: Windows Vista/7 64-bit
Graphics Processor: Intel (Modern GZDoom)

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Darkcrafter » Thu Mar 07, 2019 5:33 am

jdredalert wrote:
Darkcrafter wrote:I did read that. Just because a psychological trauma occured his subconsiosnes remembers the feels it experienced during the event. It's super duper hard to say chill, relax, but you might want to want that shit happens. Try to take it easy man and wait, time heals they say.


Dude, his inner ear is damaged because of the siren. That's not psychological.
ow shit sorry I indeed didn't read that carefully enough. If there is a way to get some financial compensation >:(
User avatar
Darkcrafter
 
Joined: 23 Sep 2017
Location: South Russia
Operating System: Windows 10/8.1/8 64-bit
Graphics Processor: ATI/AMD (Modern GZDoom)

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby ClessxAlghazanth » Fri Mar 08, 2019 5:24 am

Sorry to hear that , pal. I wish I had more I could do for you except sending my best wishes and prayers to you. Having experienced a divorce and a nasty depression last year , I can only imagine how bad it feels combined with health issues.
Hope things come out well for you soon , please always remember I'm(and thousands of more people) grateful for your work on ZDoom stuff (Heck , your 20.c addon is the only reason I play BD from time to time !) and hope you recover quick and can continue Dooming full power again :twisted:
ClessxAlghazanth
 
Joined: 17 Feb 2019

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby Matt » Fri Mar 08, 2019 3:56 pm

Matt wrote:Before someone tries to mail a wad of twenties addressed to "doctor frag of grenada" or something, how exactly can we help?
drfrag, in the OP, wrote:I think i'm going to start a fund rising campaign and if someone wants to help i could sent a private message with my father's paypal account.
User avatar
Matt
Putting the XD into *xdeath since 2007
 
Joined: 04 Jan 2004
Location: Gotham City SAR, Wyld-Lands of the Lotus People, Dominionist PetroConfederacy of Saudi Canadia

Re: What happened to poor drfrag (need help)

Postby drfrag » Sat Mar 16, 2019 6:09 am

Thanks guys. Sorry for the delay but some days i feel really bad and besides i don't like talking about this.
RexS wrote:I would really like to help

Thanks, i know your situation is much worse than mine.
TDRR wrote:Fixing computers is definitely easy and gets you a good amount of money

I only charge 10€ per repair, sometimes a bit more. Here there are some full time offers for 200€ or even paying with food sometimes, that's the salary of a teacher at university (only some of them of course).
Patreon? I think you need to offer exclusive contents besides few people are interested on my ports and those are poor guys who can't afford a computer anyway.

Thanks Matt for willing to help.
I've contacted a lawyer but he is not very interested (i'd need to pay him) but he's an old neighbour. I could also go to a public legal aid lawyer.
I think i will start a GoFundMe campaign, but then i would receive the donations even if the goal is not reached. Besides i don't know how it works.
300€ would be enough (the mortgage is actually 330).

Now that i think of it some days i'm more or less okay while others are terrible and those days i'm actually disabled. There are several noises inside my head: mostly a hissing like a gas stream with echo, a whilstle (right ear) and some kind of electrical buzzing or interference similar to white noise or a CRT when you turn it off. The first two are bearable and they can be masked well. But the last one is killing me, some days is there only for a while others full time. A few days ago it went away for three days and i had hope again but then i woke up and it came back and i just wanted to cry. Then i'm "listening" to radio with earphones and watching tv to avoid hearing it. I end the day with earache. That noise is how horror sounds and it's killing me. Sometimes i even doubt that it's a sound since also there's a sensation like a tingle on my brain with pricks and it's terrible.

I should get the money before the end of this month or else i could cease to pay some bills like electricity or water and gain some time. We've already started cutting out on food but that won't help much.

The sooner i get help i could go back to developing my ports, now there are more urgent things to do to get some money and then i would feel encouraged/forced to do it and keeping me busy would also be good for me so that would be a win-win situation.
These are the medical reports, i haven't blurred my phone number but i don't care. Thanks specially to those willing to help even with a small amount.

https://imgur.com/a/2aSePWi
User avatar
drfrag
I.R developer, I.R smart
Vintage GZDoom Developer
 
Joined: 23 Apr 2004
Location: Spain

Next

Return to Off-Topic

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests