Thank you, and Good Night. (Lock, please!)

[SanyaWaffles]

I believe everyone above me has contributed good ideas/reasonings here. I wanna chime in mainly because I want to explain something else.

I'm disabled. In the process of recertification, but so far nothing is indicating I am able to work and none of my doctors have said I can work again. So I'm considered permamentally disabled, and now my problems are both mental and physical.

I make less than 800USD a month and can barely work. And anything considered reported income can possible jeopardize my medical insurance depending on where and how and why I got the money. Social Security is a volitile red tape riddled thing.

I used to have money in the past, but that's long gone. I used it to better myself and get furniture so I can live in my new apartment. I gotta focus on myself first before I can help others. This is logical. I'm not saying this to piss people off, it's the truth: you gotta look out for yourself. It's not necessarily selfish. When you only make ~800 a month, you gotta spend each dime wisely.

I make absolutely sure rent, utilities and things like my car and credit cards are paid (even though my car is paid, I still need to do stuff like petro and upkeep) as well as supplies for my cat. Anything left over is very, very small. Hell I just got done paying for tires - that almost took up 600USD and I had to put it on a credit card and will be paying that off best I can. Anything left over - patreon accounts, charitable giving, etc might not be able to be done one month or another if emergencies pop up, which they do. And Food Stamps only helps so much because it's affected, again, by what Social Security gives me.

So I assume I'm not the only one with some sort of disability here. I know many people with chronic illnesses - physical, mental or emotional - who are not in the right spot to donate constantly, especially if it's someone I don't know.

I've also been burnt by giving money/time to people who end up being awful or shit on me for doing so. I had a friend who I donated money and time to who ended up treating me and another friend of mine like absolute shit and started all sorts of drama which, to make a long story short, it's ambiguous to wether or not she actually used the money responsibly.

On top of not being able to donate easily, there's people like me with skepticism. It's not that I like being skeptical, the incident I mentioned REALLY bothered me.

I've only donated money to people I trust and know to some degree, or there's some outline of how the money can be spent. This can range from a charity like a gofund me or something on Indiegogo or Kickstarter. And with the amount of scams out there... can you blame me?

So to top off what the others - especially Arctangent and Bigger C added recently, the biggest problem I have is the total lack of regard that many of us might not be - and I use this term rarely because I feel it's overused - privileged - to do so. Even the people who make money and are reasonably fit to work sometimes barely get by.

This reeks an awful lot of guilt tripping us for not just giving all the money we have. And this comes off as a bit... on your part, a bit nasty. Not gonna lie. I frequented Tumblr alot and the amount of guilt tripping on that and other social media is enough to make me wretch... so the last place I wanna see it is on one of the few forums I frequent.

TL;DR: Not everyone CAN donate even if they wanted to and not everyone will donate because of reasons that might even be personal, so therefore, to be blunt, not really the public's business to know.

And us being rude? We're not the ones making constant threads that amount to nothing, hijacking the forum essentially into nonsensical drivel and 'DONATE PLS UWU'.

As for 'freedom of speech' - this has nothing to do with censorship so much as it has to do with presentation. You present it in the worst of ways. We can argue about private/public freedom of speech intrusions by private entities all day but I'm not gonna go that route, especially since it isn't the problem here.

That's as much as I feel I can cover. It pisses me off when people do this, to be blunt. I don't care for this tremendously mental behavior you're presenting us with.

[Naniyue]

Thank you for posting things in the way you have in the latter part of this thread. Yes,
I made mistakes, and repeated them, and I'm sorry for that. I have unsolvable problems,
too! I am totally a nerd, and damn proud of it! Of course, this means my social skills
take a nosedive. And yes, I am highly defensive. Big problem of mine, especially since
I've had to fight (and I mean that literally, too!) my whole childhood against unsavory
peers.

Rachael, I may have simply mistaken your intent/wordings. I'd like to shake hands, as it
were, and say fuggetaboutit. In other words, I'm sorry. Keeping track of such a forum is
definitely hard work, as you've said previously, and I don't want to add to your load.

Sanyawaffles, I never expected an outpouring of cash. I simply thought: hey, I don't use
facebook and all that, but I do belong to a forum that has overall been good towards me.
Might as well ask them. Even if only thirty of them offered a buck each, that would be
thirty less to worry about.

Your own situation is quite terrible, and I'm sorry that it's that way. I have a
housemate who has in recent months become disabled himself, and the hell they're giving
him? Sheesh!!!!

I'm not into guilt trips. If that is how I have come across, then I am sorry. I was just
so puzzled and stunned that things weren't more gung ho when I originally made the post.
One of my good traits is fierce loyalty, and I was naive to expect it from those who are
essentially strangers. My apologies.

WildWeasel, I understand what you have said. I'll do my best, but if I can explain point
X but not point Y, I'll let you know, and accept further suggestions.

I am best with emotion, which makes arguments, debates, and even some simple explanations
and representations difficult at times. I could use some more logic. But boy did my art
professor beg me to major in it! Not because of skill, but of the emotion that could be
felt from my work. Dummy me made the wrong choice again!

I'm sure there's more I could say or even reword, but I am tired from work and worries.
I'll be up a while longer, and will do my best to answer your inquiries as soon as
possible. Thank you.

BTW, what I've said about the projects still stands, as well as the quartz offer.

[Naniyue]

Here I go again, always remembering something or coming up with something later or afterwards.

Matt: Your post is the one that nudged me to try and make amends. At this point, that's all I ever wanted, anyway.


Neuralstunner: I don't have what it takes to make mods like many of you here, which is why I have hung around the off topic section. I figured nerdy stuff like, "Yo! MSX is cool! Let's talk about it!" would be OK. I remember an earlier complaint about lack of content. In my posts since that time, I've provided links to videos, articles, etc. If you really, really think I should stop posting in off-topic, I will, but it still feels like having one's nerdiness curbed in a rather nerdy place!

Bigger C: Neat article! I've saved a copy!