I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee...

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SouthernLion
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by SouthernLion »

It's almost to the goal. Thank everyone so much that donated or shared, or just read and said kind words or thought about her and myself and the rest of our family. I ... I got her ashes in the mail a few days ago. I knew what the package was the second I saw it was from my mother-in-law. I went to the ground right in front of the mail man and started sobbing my eyes out. I didn't get back up from that spot in the driveway for hours...

It was comforting yet extremely horrifying to hold in my hands.

https://i62.servimg.com/u/f62/18/63/32/77/roolov10.jpg

I don't think I'm ever going to wear this necklace, for fear of losing it. Outside of the house, anyway. I will be doing a service with my close family and friends this month or next with the ashes. There was a full service for her with her family in Texas, but I could not attend. I don't even remember leaving Texas, to be quite honest. I have to make a slideshow with music, (a few songs that were "our songs", and one song I always promised her would be her funeral song if she went before me), and I know I'm going to be balling the entire time I'm making it.
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Kostov
 
 
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by Kostov »

This has been a nice topic to take a look at every now and then, showing a more personal side of reality. I'd honestly like to thank you for sharing these events with us, they really get you thinking.

Do what you can to remember her and keep yourself on a steady path forward. :)
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SouthernLion
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by SouthernLion »

This is my thank you video to everyone. Thank you for all the kind words, the compassion, the thoughts and prayers, the shares, and the generous donations. I love all of you, and I will try to keep you guys updated. Every day is a nightmare and every day is a struggle... and in the light of losing my soul mate, money means nothing. But trying to climb from the wreckage and look at the world around me with the crushing weight of our debt made everything that much harder... and this helped me remove some of that weight from my shoulders. Thank all of you, God bless you all.

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Minigunner
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by Minigunner »

Times have been tough lately, and people in hard times band together to help each other out. Don't feel the need to repay us, your well-being is more than worth it.
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DemonSlayer
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Location: Resides in a base on Mars guarding the world from the Ream of Hell

Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by DemonSlayer »

She would want you to live and she would want you to be happy.

You have things you need to do here first.

Take the time you need, but don't ever give up or think that this is the end for you.

We are here for you brother ^_^

Please get rest and take care of yourself.

Much love, grace and peace to you.
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Kostov
 
 
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by Kostov »

Watched the video, glad you had it in you to make it. I remember that photo of yourself you posted in the selfie thread.... Total badass, honestly. Keep going. :)
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LukasG2004
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by LukasG2004 »

RexS wrote:All of you are very sweet...... this is my recent FB post I decided to share with you all:

"No, I am not OK. Physically I am barely hurt, but half my life is gone. The half I woke up for. I cleaned my guns because they helped keep her safe. I lifted weights because it made me stonger to protect her. I worked two jobs because I wanted to make sure she had clothes on her back and food on her plate. I don't know how to live without her. I don't know how to be cold or hot without her. I don't know how to be scared or brave without her. I don't even know why I'm typing this. What's the point? I love my family and friends, but part of me wishes I had died in that car accident with her. Why the fuck am I alive? I don't mean that in a suicidal way, I mean that in a What Is The Meaning Of Life kind of way. I have no desire to eat, to better myself. Nothing means anything to me anymore, other than the love all of you have given me. She would not want me this way, but I am lost. I don't even know who I am anymore. No goals or dreams. I don't even care about beer cars or music anymore. Everyone helping me through the darkest part of my life, you mean so much to me in ways i cannot express in the English language. I need God and Jesus's love and light because my world is dark. I cry so much it has become as normal as breathing. Sleeping is OK when I don't have nightmares and then wake up with no purpose in life."

Holy hell, that's sad dude. I hope that you can recover emotionally. I give my condolences. :cry: :cry: :cry:
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SouthernLion
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Post by SouthernLion »

Thank you for the kindness, everybody...

I've been having a lot of intense dreams, but one her ex boyfriend had:

He walked up to a big beautiful mansion that was glowing with a bright light, like an aura. He said he knocked on these big beautiful doors and Sabine answered, and he said, "Oh my GOD!!! Is that really you??? Are you okay?? Are you okay??? Oh my God!!!" and she gave him a hug and said

"Yeah, I'm fine! This is me and Corey's house. I'm glad you could visit."

---

And then, a dream I recently had, Sabine had pulled up next to me in her Fiesta, undamaged. We did our Roo kiss, but it was lucid... we both knew what had happened. I crawled in through the driver window, (possibly because I didn't want to go in through the way my unconscious body was dragged from the wreckage after being cut out with the jaws of life) and we just made small talk, as if she was on break from work.
Sabine turns to me, and asks me:


"Hey, when you get home can you look up on Google if it's bad luck to drive around in the car you died in?"


.................................Yeah.
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