I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee...

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I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee...

Postby SouthernLion » Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:41 am

I can't stop crying. I was airlifted to the ER supposedly. I have no memory of any of this. I was given the news of mu fiancee not making it in the ER. Ive been puking and crying for days. I was released to family who is drivimg me back. Talkimg to loved ones help but that was my other half. I cant eat or shower without her i cant get dressed wothoit her my life revolved around her *sobs*


I don't know if I made an official post *specifically* about what happened to me, [wife], and our niece (who I won't name to protect.) Maybe I did, and I don't remember. Anyways, this is STRAIGHT FROM me what I am going through:
I was visiting Texas to see [wife]'s family with her. A huge step in my Agoraphobia, a huge step towards moving to Texas possibly, and the best vacation I ever had up until the wreck happened. Seeing her mother, father, grandmother and grandmother's friend was amazing. I was extremely happy to meet [wife]'s sister and brother as well, and her sister's husband was a bad ass and we instantly hit it off. Our niece (me and [wife] never got legal marriage papers from the government, but I gave [wife] that ring under God, I consider her my late [wife]) was the most precious thing and I was super happy to see her and her new sister. I LOVE [wife]'s family and if it isn't crossing a line, I do consider them my family and my "in-laws", even if we didn't get signed off by the US government yet. Anyways, in the middle of my at-the-moment best vacation ever, we went to meet [wife]'s mother's friends for food on Tuesday October, 3rd. It was an amazing time, really good food, good people, it was great. Since I had a beer and a half, I don't ever drink and drive even on one beer (especially because of what happened to Caitlin; my ex-GF Caitlin and her mother were both killed by a drunk driver 10 years ago), so I gave [wife] the keys. I don't really remember leaving the restaurant much, but not because of alcohol. One and a half beers is nothing to me, I just like to play it safe with the driving. I woke up in a hospital. My last memory was eating dessert or something at the restaurant or going the bathroom. At first, I accepted my new setting like a dream, and I was just being cooperative for some medical staff removing a needle from my arm... but then my senses started to come back, and I said "Wait a minute, where am I? Why the hell am I in a hospital? I was just eating at a restaurant with my wife's family and friends... Why am I here?" The doctor calmed me down and told me "You were in a very serious car wreck. They had to cut you out with the Jaws of Life and you were airlifted here by helicopter." I replied: "...WHAT? Jesus, WHAT? I don't remember any of that. Well, where is [wife]? Where's my wife?" They replied, "[Rex], we'll talk to you about that in a minute, you had a concussion and a lot of injuries, please just relax the best you can for a moment." The concussion and trauma and impact had caused me to black out, there is no memory of anything happening, I just went from restaurant to hospital in a flash. [wife]'s mother came in with a doctor or pastor or something, and she told me "[Rex] you and [wife] were in a really bad accident" and she was crying. I said "Well where is [wife]? Where the fuck is [wife]??" and she just cried and shook her head and said "I'm so sorry, [Rex]... I'm so sorry..." and I said "What??? SHES DEAD? ARE YOU SURE???? ARE YOU 100% SURE IT WAS HER???" and she kept shaking her head and sobbing and saying "Yes, [Rex], I'm sure... I'm so sorry...." and I grabbed her and and the doctor and screamed at the top of my lungs and cried for what felt like hours. Everything after that moment is a blur. I know I messaged a LOT of you, but please be patient and understand that I don't remember most of it. It's a fuzzy memory and I don't remember 99% of anything. I woke up in the hospital on October 4th I believe, but I don't have much memory until about Sunday, October 8th. Even after that are moments that are extremely vague and unclear. Here's what I do remember: I know I contacted a lot of people that I love. I don't remember most of it, I'm sorry. I remember, just barely, going into the room [wife] and I had stayed in to get my belongings and hearing evil laughter echoing off of the empty walls as I stared at our beds with our blankets/pillows/bears the way we had been snuggled the night before the restaurant/accident. I remember [wife]'s brother sleeping on the couch with me so I wouldn't be alone, which was extremely kind of him. I remember hugging my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, and I guess other brother-in-law (sister-in-law's husband) and crying, but only vaguely. I briefly remember seeing [wife]'s dead body laying there on a table at some morgue or something, and after saying my goodbye I completely freaked the fuck out and had a full panic attack and had to leave. The same thing happened when I went to see the ruined Fiesta (where me and [wife] were once sitting was nothing but metal, glass, and blood) and I had the same reaction, barely able to compose myself before going psychotically insane. My parents flew to Texas to come get me. I don't remember them coming in [wife]'s mother's house at all. I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone as I got ready to leave for Florida, but I imagine I did. I don't remember the ride home, except for 2-3 moments of extreme dreadful terror in hotel rooms on the drive back. I don't remember arriving home. I vaguely remember seeing my uncle and aunt, and I know my brother and his wife and daughter came, as well as my other brother... that is as far as the memory goes. The rest is just blur. I don't really remember my brother and his wife leaving. A few days after he left is when I actually start to have some clearer memories.
Ever since that moment that my mother-in-law told me about the death of my wife, the worst moment in the history of my entire life... my world has stopped. My life has been a constant fucking nightmare, as most of you can clearly see in my posts. I'm not even sure why I'm alive physically after seeing the car, but I really don't know why I'm alive in the big picture. I should have gone with her, and keeping me alive feels cruel. My future, my best friend, the love of my life, the future mother of my children... my partner and my ally, my cheerleader and my angel, and my Roo. All of that has been taken from me in an instant that I don't even remember happening. All I can feel in my heart is evil. Sadness, broken pain, darkness... Hopelessness and despair. I feel like I accidentally got hit with a wrong punishment meant for someone that commit GENOCIDE.

My older brother told me that he originally received a phone call saying [my wife] was dead, and that I might be. He dropped his beer and phone on the garage floor and ran to his wife to cry, and a few hours later got a second phone call saying that I was alive but unconscious and critical in ICU. He said to me, "I don't mean this in a shitty way, but that second phone call didn't make me any happier. I knew that either way, you had died in that wreck."

In the 3 weeks since the accident, I've made extremely minor steps in healing physically, such as mostly getting rid of my double vision. My mental state and inside are worsening every day. I feel darker today than I did yesterday, and it continues on this path. I feel like I'm dying physically as well, I feel very strongly that this is the end of my life. I don't mean from suicide... I have absolutely no intentions of hurting myself. But if it was possible to die from a broken heart, that would be it.
Last edited by SouthernLion on Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:55 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Wiw » Sat Oct 07, 2017 2:58 pm

Jesus... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Lud » Sat Oct 07, 2017 4:10 pm

Please, stay strong and keep on living. Survive, that's all I can say. There will be better days to come.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Hellsmith1 » Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:31 pm

@RexS my heart goes out to you and I can understand what you are going through right now and it's going to be hard on you for good long time but don't let this get to you just keep moving forward and think positive. Just remember all the good times that you had with her and just remember that she always loved you, and that's more important.

My love and prayers from my friends and family including me have our deepest sympathy.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby insightguy » Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:56 pm

Holy crap... Look, take all the time you need to grieve and mourn, it's healthy and the best you can do now to cope. Losing a loved one is not something you can just walk away from it takes time. There is a light to the end of this, but for now, just keep going.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby R4L » Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:17 pm

Hey man, I don't know you at all, but that's a terrible thing for anyone to go through... I hope you can be strong.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Scripten » Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:28 pm

I'm so sorry, man. That's absolutely horrible and an experience nobody should ever have to go through. My deepest condolences for your loss.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Rachael » Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:32 pm

My deepest sympathies for you, your family, her family, and all your friends. It's horrible for anyone to ever go through something like that.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Captain Ventris » Sun Oct 08, 2017 12:23 am

This is horrifying. I don't know what can be said other then to find some way to keep going. I know it will feel like there's no point, but there is. Grieve how you need to and just. Keep. Going.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Nevander » Sun Oct 08, 2017 4:51 am

Fuck I read the title as I almost lost... came in ready to read happy posts about surviving it. I'm so sorry man. Maybe I need to start driving more safely myself, I drive fast sometimes because I like speed. Do you know what happened or has anyone told you about what exactly caused the crash? I'd try to retrace steps and ask anyone who may have witnessed it to help you get it back. Stay strong man. The worst is behind you although nothing can replace what you've lost. My condolences. :cry:
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby Reactor » Sun Oct 08, 2017 4:40 pm

Damn it, that's nasty!!! Since your "Road Rage" topic, I was hoping that the situation did improve, but apparently, it got worse.
And for some reason, it is always the innocent ones who die, the delinquent driver always suffers with minor scratches...
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby SouthernLion » Sun Oct 08, 2017 4:45 pm

There was no road rage here... For the record... I was passenger laughing having fun on vaca.... Someone lost control in rain and hit us head on
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby YukiHerz » Sun Oct 08, 2017 11:32 pm

Damn, that's quite the bad news.
My condolences to you and all relatives and friends.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby SuperSomariDX » Mon Oct 09, 2017 10:00 am

My condolences to you, friends and families on both sides. Stay strong.
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Re: I was in... A huge car wreck..... I lost.....my fiancee.

Postby SouthernLion » Mon Oct 09, 2017 4:51 pm

All of you are very sweet...... this is my recent FB post I decided to share with you all:

"No, I am not OK. Physically I am barely hurt, but half my life is gone. The half I woke up for. I cleaned my guns because they helped keep her safe. I lifted weights because it made me stonger to protect her. I worked two jobs because I wanted to make sure she had clothes on her back and food on her plate. I don't know how to live without her. I don't know how to be cold or hot without her. I don't know how to be scared or brave without her. I don't even know why I'm typing this. What's the point? I love my family and friends, but part of me wishes I had died in that car accident with her. Why the fuck am I alive? I don't mean that in a suicidal way, I mean that in a What Is The Meaning Of Life kind of way. I have no desire to eat, to better myself. Nothing means anything to me anymore, other than the love all of you have given me. She would not want me this way, but I am lost. I don't even know who I am anymore. No goals or dreams. I don't even care about beer cars or music anymore. Everyone helping me through the darkest part of my life, you mean so much to me in ways i cannot express in the English language. I need God and Jesus's love and light because my world is dark. I cry so much it has become as normal as breathing. Sleeping is OK when I don't have nightmares and then wake up with no purpose in life."
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