Bad movies to avoid...

[Mav3rick]

---

[Wiw]

I think we may well have found ourselves the worst movie of our time, without doubt and reservation.

---

Has nothing to do with the cartoon it's based off of, for starters. It's also why I hate this current generation. Why do you think it was pulled from theatres? And worse, the makers go so far as to launch a deceptive campaign in which they took people's videos of them talking about the cartoon and twisting them to make it seem like they're referring to the movie! And that is the most unforgivable thing.

[Caligari87]

Your image is broken, can't see what movie you're talking about.

[wildweasel]

Yeah, uh, I don't think IMDB lets you hotlink their images. Rehost it on Imgur, if you could?

[InsanityBringer]

Just for reference, the movie is "Jem and the Holograms." IMDB seems to accept just resubmitting their url from the hotlink error page, heh.

[Wiw]

Damn, I thought something was wrong! Well anyway... it SHOULD be the worst movie ever made in this century, but somehow it's not. So far, for me, The Drawn Together Movie garners that label.

[shotfan]

Yesterday, I stumbled upon Hitman: Agent 47, a yesteryear reboot of Hitman film from 2007. Out of curiosity and surprise, I watched it. I have mixed feelings about, but probably fits into this thread. Hmm...

---

1. First off, the film seems to be somewhat self-aware (with all this banter between two lead characters and how Smith is treated - look below for his secret), which is a strategy that makes a movie more bearable, but deprives it of any chance to get serious awards. Well, looking from the critical reception, it have not mattered, as it is deemed even worse than the first one...
2. Another important thing I noticed is that the film is filled with game references that only fans will catch on: lovely description of 47's Blaser R93; the head barcode origin; liberal use of Silverballers in a carefree manner; the toaster-in-a-tub execution that was only depicted in a Blood Money promotional art; "Agent Smith" (a very tenuous reference to the CIA loser 47 regularly rescues); improbable sniper shot; lightning-fast dress change; or infiltrating a skyscraper as a firefighter during a fire alarm. I loved all of this.
3. Yes, the modus operandi of 47 is done wrong, all of the players of the IOI games will know that. He is a Silent Assassin, not a mass murderer (still though, at least twice he got ambushed and was escorting a protege, so had no other choice). The subway fight was exceptionally stupid in particular (why 47 aimed at Katya at all if he did not want to kill her, and why he raised his aim so slow?!). Also, the warehouse fight made no sense really (where they keep inert jet engines like that?!), and stroke me as being a training area lifted straight from Contracts... A GAME THAT IS ALMOST 100% DYING DREAM. I guess the people in movie staff guessed (MOVIE DIRECTING CHESS!) that all Hollywood action movies must be dumb and loud to keep attention of the audience. Eh, typical Hollywood...
4. That said, 47 playing a mentor was a neat idea, and done decently as well (he even had a good reason to do so, protecting his "sister").
5. 47's actor done a better job than the previous one, really trying to convey only a minimum of emotions that the character has, which I can understand how hard a task this must be (in contrast, playing a completely emotionless character like a Terminator is much easier, since there is nothing you have to worry about conveying at a sublime level - just keep a single face and voice tone for the whole role). I found him decent, but his physique is not adequate for 47. Then again, I do not know a bad big enough bald dude actor that would be apt for the role...
6. The first quarter of the film felt like a homage to The Terminator. It was awesome seeing 47 as a faux-antagonist and implacable man. The whole film should be like that - observing 47 operations in third person. He should not be the lead, only an always impending threat. For players, being 47 is exciting because planning hits on your own is fun. In the film, you cannot do that, so such take does not work. The same goes for any assassin-like character, or even other similar characters like the Punisher (imagine seeing him from the other side, following some gangsters in a hideout he comes to eliminate... if done properly, the audience would lose their jaws).
7. Plot was nothing outrageous. Coming from the first 3 games, I instantly assumed the genetic-experiment origin of 47 and find most of the story to be tolerable. The twist with the Katya being a superchild herself was also nice, and I liked seeing her "cooperate" with 47 after the reveal. In addition, this gave her a basis for that clairvoyance ability, which would be EXACTLY what you would need when running from 47. What was stupid was mostly Syndicate International as whole, but more on that later...
8. Liquid titanium armour - WHAT. How stupid... ! Slapping a liquid metal inside somebody's skin is not enough to make a T-1000 to counterpart the 47, him being "a T-850" here. And even if that made Smith buletproof, he should die just as easily from a heat damage or crushing trauma (47 should throw him out of the office in the end, that should be enough). Well, he should have died from that huge electroshock, but oh my... the whole character should have ended when 47 got to Katya and "killed" Smith for the first time. Did not help either that actor playing Smith was incapable of making legit impression and came off as laughable. To add insult to injury, the hand-to-hand fights looked just stupid. Killers like them should go for some Krav Maga, not throwing punches everywhere and moving like arthritics (why 47 suddenly becomes so slower vs. Smith? It made no sense!).
9. Syndicate International... who came up with such a stupid name? It should designate a labour union, not a hitman agency. Also, showing the SI HQ at all before the finale was also unnecessary. It instantly dispelled all of the mystery it could have, and so the final raid on the HQ came off as tensionless - you knew that the Big Bad was helpless for long before, so it was boring to watch. By the way - SI's CEO wants to have his own army of Agents... uh huh. Surely he will have time to get his own Clone Army before he expires. And does he really think that Agents are enough for UNLIMITED POWER?!!!
10. There are some useless scenes. Showing anyone playing Diana was unnecessary, she should be only a voice. Pool swimming scene. The talk between the Katya's father and SI's CEO was too bland and throw-away to care about (the latter is implied to be a former colleague of the Katya's father, but it is mentioned only once, and so ambigiously it means nothing in the end).
11. No romance - very good.
12. The writing was nicely done. Quite terse and to the point. Of course the "philosophical" sequences were cringeworthy in such a film, yes (even The Matrix could not escape this), but the rest of it was nothing overblown.

Overall, I found it... average? Wonky, but decent. I am baffled why it has single-digit Rotten Tomatoes rating, whereas Pacific Rim - which I vehemently dislike - has 71%. What? (I would give H:A47 4/10) Everybody seems to condemn it as dumb and badly directed, even though it is as competent as a standard action movie... I do not know, maybe I was just too tired when watching to get a good sense out of it. I think that either I am stupid or a really big nerd. Probably the former. (OH THE IRONY )

[DoomRater]

You do know the first clue you shouldn't expect realism from Pacific Rim is that the robots are made from pure iron? Who makes ANYTHING out of pure iron, DragonSlayer not included?

Edit: Okay, ONE of the robots hull, but still.

[shotfan]

Erm... WHAT. I was sure they were made mainly from steel!
Apparently my brain erased such a profoundly stupid piece of information before I made a review of PR in this thread. This is ridiculous, and not in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann good kind of way. What a pit of stupidity.
It seems that the more advertisement a film gets, it also gets a proportional slack cut off by the critics. "Not expecting realism" is not a valid reason to boost a rating of a stupid movie by 50%.
Why I do even bother...
(maybe I should read Berserk? It has (HUGE) GUTS, after all )

[DoomRater]

It's an obscure reference to ritual purity. I know, I would have missed it too if someone else had not pointed this out to me.

[shotfan]

Then they should made Jaegers out of PURE CARBON NANOTUBES.

[Ixnatifual]

---

Good casting except for Luthor. Starts alright. But then gets more messy and dumber as it goes on.

At least Wonder Woman is super hot.

[wildweasel]

I guess with Lex Luthor they were trying to appeal to the people who think true evil is the Facebook movie. =P

[Oberron]

To quote him: WRONG!!

[Ixnatifual]

I thougt Batman v Superman was bad, but I was wrong. It is a masterpiece compared to this piece of trash.

I don't think I've told characters to shut up as much in any movie as much as in this one. They must have paid Will Smith a lot for him to agree to this crap.