Two big things I want to talk about, here. First involves my Faith, the other the hurricane that is freaking me out.
So, I'm having some tests done by doctor's (hopefully everything is okay, they don't seem too worried, but I am freaking out) and I am praying adamantly that everything is okay, and that I'm okay. Praying about my grief. Praying about my fears. I've been having a lot of changes go on inside of me mentally (in a good way), and I've been striving to be a better Christian, a better man of God, more loving and selfless. I've always been Christian, but sometimes I can be nasty and aggressive, bringing people down. (I mean, we are all human.) My late wife would always lift people up, is extremely selfless and giving in the name of God, and I feel like... how am I living the way she loved if I'm not helping lift other people up? Showing compassion? So, I'm on the phone with a girl I'm close with, and I'm telling her about all of my strive to make God proud. I'm also eating healthier (more fruits and vegetables, staying away from processed stuff etc. My late wife was/is Vegan, and knew a lot about healthy eating. It's difficult without her physically here to help me, but I do feel closer to her when I'm eating this healthier food.) Talking about how much I love God and want to really help people and bring glory to His name.
Alright, so I get out of the car after this 15 minute drive and conversation, still on the phone with her, and a few seconds after talking like this,
BAM!!! lighting strikes right above my head, or right next to me. Right before it did, my whole body felt static and my hair was all standing on end (like when you take a blanket out of the dryer), and as I heard the rumbling while feeling that sensation I thought "Uh..." and then everything flashed super bright and the lighting struck terrifyingly loud. (The girl on the phone was screaming "What was that??? Are you okay??? Are you okay???" basically.) I don't know what it hit, but it felt like it was right above me, possibly a light pole or something on the house's roof. I ran inside the house freaked out, kind of in mental shock, trying to process what just happened. Then it dawned on me the conversation I was just having and the prayers I've been making, scared about a lot of things.
Okay, you with me so far? So fast forward a day later, I laid The Bible down on the bed at night to a "random" page, and then went to finish what I was doing on the computer. An hour or so later I went to lay down for sleep, and wanted to read The Bible a little bit. The page I
just happened to open to, and the very first thing my eyes read on this page as I laid down was this:
I started balling my eyes out. I've never even heard that verse before that moment, last night. And the fact that it's Verse 7 is also beautiful, 7 is important to me because of my late wife and my Anniversary, and it is a number frequently used in The Bible. I'm not a numerologist, per se, but I do keep an eye out for signs from God. I cried for hours last night I was so moved by this. Anyways, I hope that doesn't violate the religious rules as I just wanted to share something beautiful that happened to me the last few days.
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Now, this HURRICANE is FREAKING ME OUT. I'm hoping it weakens and curves north, but we have to prepare for it to come straight at us. And if we have to evacuate, I don't know where we are gonna go, and I don't have my wife physically with me to help me with my agoraphobic panic attacks. When we evacuated Irma, she was still physically here. I'm obviously praying a lot, but I'm trying to figure out our action. Shutters are up, we're getting some supplies but ... I just feel so helpless without my wife (physically here.) With Irma I was fired up as a man to protect her, and she calmed my anxiety attacks, and we are strong together. I still have other members of my family here that I love, but I'm still... stumbling without her physically here.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Keeping an eye on that storm, praying for the best, preparing for worse.