The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

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SouthernLion
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by SouthernLion »

SHayden wrote:Did any of you ever experience intense derealization and/or depersonalization? I don't know what's going on with me, I know I'm probably suffering from enough mental disorders that I should've seen a psychiatrist years ago but I can't....
It's like I can't control myself. Intense emotions take over me and I can't control them. Derealization as if the world around me isn't real and depersonalization like I'm not real, like I'm not one person, rather multiple personalities fighting over control :-(

I'm experienced with lucid dreaming and astral projection and I'm literally spending more time in imaginary worlds than real one. I feel like everything around me is fake and like I'm not whole, like I have no reason to be alive, no ambition, no motivation...nothing...
Sorry for being so negative but I feel like I'm more and more losing control over myself and that I might do something me or others may regret....
Not 1:1, but the trauma of the wreck that killed my wife has sent me in to a pretty dark downward spiral, and it's getting worse all the time. I do feel like this world is fake, in fact, I'm pretty convinced of it. I feel like I'm controlling a Sims character of myself, and it's not the real [RexS]. I'm literally waiting to wake up in the hospital bed and see my wife waiting for me. There is also a very strange disconnect from waking up from a comatose situation days later in a hospital you don't remember going to, for a wreck you don't remember being in, and your wife suddenly being gone (physically.) It's like the start of a horror video game or movie. I feel like all of my past could be made up memories, and not real, just what people told me. But I know I love my wife, and I know she is real, and that helps me push through that disorienting disconnection from the blank spot in the middle (the days I was unconscious from the wreck.)
like I have no reason to be alive, no ambition, no motivation...nothing...
Yeah.......... yeah I really feel you there. You can PM me if you want to vent more, but I'm not going to touch more on this for the forums publicly... but it's definitely gotten pretty dark. So I empathize.

Also, I'm not sure about the multiple personalities thing, but I am definitely split in half on the inside. One part of me is in auto-pilot, going to work, going to see friends and buy groceries. Existing. The other part of me spends every night on my knees crying my eyes out, holding a-... just nevermind.

PM me if you need to, brother. I can't find the upswing to life anymore, and I wish I had a better answer than that. But I know people have kept me alive. People I love and can be vulnerable around. That keeps me waking up another day, and putting one boot on after the other.
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SHayden
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by SHayden »

RexS wrote:But I know people have kept me alive. People I love and can be vulnerable around. That keeps me waking up another day, and putting one boot on after the other.
Same thing here, friend. Perhaps the only reason I'm still among the living is the fact that there are people who (even though they don't know anything about this) still care about me and would be devastated if I left them so I just won't do it. And something that might sound arrogant, but, I really don't believe my family anymore. I don't even care. I feel like they're just people I'm supposed to be (good) with. The only person I really care about is my friend that I know for 15 years from kindergarten and she is a wreck like me, just in a different way.
I don't want to be like Stanley...I don't want to push buttons my entire life and die....hell I don't want anything this life can offer me
edit: I'm also done with this topic, I don't want to spread any more negative energy here, I just needed a reality check that's all
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SouthernLion
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by SouthernLion »

Just ordered 1,000 rounds of 7.62x39mm Soviet (a firearm cartridge that is probably most popular for its usage in the AK-47 and AK-pattern weapons.) I would have rather got this many bullets of .300 AAC Blackout (basically, the US answer to this cartridge), as that is by far the most reliable and superior weapon I own, but the AK-47 was invented in 1947, the .300 AAC Blackout was invented in 2010 or so. There is a HUGE difference in price. I'm talking $700+ USD for the same amount of ammo.

I don't trust this New Zealand fascist move, and the way it is effecting American politics. Just trying to be ready.


EXAMPLE:
Spoiler:
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SouthernLion
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by SouthernLion »

Just got a pretty cool picture of my car for Facebook and put Old Glory in it. (What with the car being iconic American Muscle and all.) I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

Last edited by SouthernLion on Wed Mar 27, 2019 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
dpJudas
 
 
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by dpJudas »

Looks slick, RexS. Wish my car looked like that. :)
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SouthernLion
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by SouthernLion »

Holy shit, Rammstein just released a new video!!!! They haven't released an album in 10 years, and an "official" song in 8 years. I don't know if I've made this known on these forums, but this has been my favorite band since I was a little boy. I have every album and DVD and a few T-Shirts etc. They've been called the best live band on the planet Earth over 14 years in a row (subjective, but worth noting), their shows sell out 30,000 seat arenas in 15 minutes of a show being announced and their use of German theater and pyrotechnics has inspired other bands like Slipknot and Avenged Sevenfold to step up their live stage game. (Slipknot has also been begging Rammstein to tour with them in the United States, but my understanding is the timing never lines up right.) This is the first single of their new album (currently unnamed) that is set to be released May 17th, 2019. For those of you that don't speak German, the song seems to be about their love for their country, while disowning the horrific acts of the past (Nazi, etc.) but still being able to love their origin and home. NSFW, so, it's in spoilers.
Spoiler:
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Captain J
 
 
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by Captain J »

Now that's Heavy Metal Dormant and Awakening!
Gez
 
 
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by Gez »

There's high production values, good costumes and stuff, but it's a complete mess, jump-cutting incoherently between different scenes. The medieval part seems more based on pop-culture than actual history. And it completely missed the Thirty Years War, but it got something from Iron Sky instead.

Oh well, it's Rammstein, they're known for cool visuals with a lot of pyrotechnics, not for researched scholarship.
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comet1337
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by comet1337 »

music videos are a bunch of nonsense most of the time anyway
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by wildweasel »

comet1337 wrote:music videos are a bunch of nonsense most of the time anyway
Agreed. ;)
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Devianteist
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by Devianteist »

Logged back in to the ZDoom Forums, and am working on a proof-of-concept project utilizing several mod resources I have found here on the forums.

ZScript is mega confusing at the moment, so I can't code my own stuff right now, but hot damn is this stuff versatile. I cannot wait to start messing with it!
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Rachael
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by Rachael »

Devianteist wrote:Logged back in to the ZDoom Forums, and am working on a proof-of-concept project utilizing several mod resources I have found here on the forums.

ZScript is mega confusing at the moment, so I can't code my own stuff right now, but hot damn is this stuff versatile. I cannot wait to start messing with it!
How's your wee lad doing? He's gotta be a year old by now at least?
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Devianteist
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by Devianteist »

Rachael wrote:
Devianteist wrote:Logged back in to the ZDoom Forums, and am working on a proof-of-concept project utilizing several mod resources I have found here on the forums.

ZScript is mega confusing at the moment, so I can't code my own stuff right now, but hot damn is this stuff versatile. I cannot wait to start messing with it!
How's your wee lad doing? He's gotta be a year old by now at least?
He's 2, going on 3. Absolute unit of a child, but he's healthy and happy. He has some speech issues right now, but we're slowly and surely teaching him more everyday. Huge momma's boy.
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Rachael
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Re: The Still New What Did You Last Do Thread

Post by Rachael »

Aww, he'll warm up to you, I'm sure. :)

Hope the speech issues become less of a problem in the future!
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