Not 1:1, but the trauma of the wreck that killed my wife has sent me in to a pretty dark downward spiral, and it's getting worse all the time. I do feel like this world is fake, in fact, I'm pretty convinced of it. I feel like I'm controlling a Sims character of myself, and it's not the real [RexS]. I'm literally waiting to wake up in the hospital bed and see my wife waiting for me. There is also a very strange disconnect from waking up from a comatose situation days later in a hospital you don't remember going to, for a wreck you don't remember being in, and your wife suddenly being gone (physically.) It's like the start of a horror video game or movie. I feel like all of my past could be made up memories, and not real, just what people told me. But I know I love my wife, and I know she is real, and that helps me push through that disorienting disconnection from the blank spot in the middle (the days I was unconscious from the wreck.)SHayden wrote:Did any of you ever experience intense derealization and/or depersonalization? I don't know what's going on with me, I know I'm probably suffering from enough mental disorders that I should've seen a psychiatrist years ago but I can't....
It's like I can't control myself. Intense emotions take over me and I can't control them. Derealization as if the world around me isn't real and depersonalization like I'm not real, like I'm not one person, rather multiple personalities fighting over control
I'm experienced with lucid dreaming and astral projection and I'm literally spending more time in imaginary worlds than real one. I feel like everything around me is fake and like I'm not whole, like I have no reason to be alive, no ambition, no motivation...nothing...
Sorry for being so negative but I feel like I'm more and more losing control over myself and that I might do something me or others may regret....
Yeah.......... yeah I really feel you there. You can PM me if you want to vent more, but I'm not going to touch more on this for the forums publicly... but it's definitely gotten pretty dark. So I empathize.like I have no reason to be alive, no ambition, no motivation...nothing...
Also, I'm not sure about the multiple personalities thing, but I am definitely split in half on the inside. One part of me is in auto-pilot, going to work, going to see friends and buy groceries. Existing. The other part of me spends every night on my knees crying my eyes out, holding a-... just nevermind.
PM me if you need to, brother. I can't find the upswing to life anymore, and I wish I had a better answer than that. But I know people have kept me alive. People I love and can be vulnerable around. That keeps me waking up another day, and putting one boot on after the other.